The Humble Tomato
Fruit of the vine,
but yielding no wine
Some say it’s a veg
Resplendent in red
Not worth a dispute
Accept it as fruit
Tended with care
The branches thus bear
Kissed by the sun
Sprayed by the gun
In due time the reward
As the plant cedes it hoard
In salads regaled
Its merit revealed
In sauce or as juice
Its vigour let loose
No matter our devotion to the common potato
Its charms far outweighed by the humble tomato
Ken Fisher
Don’t Go Abroad
It’s not that we’ve all become xenophobic
Or of overseas travel we are quite neurotic
It’s just that the government don’t seem very keen
That on foreign beaches we are readily seen
It is simply that the powers are still quite manic
Of the potential return of that epidemic
Covid-19 hangs like a menacing cloud
And they prefer travelling wasn’t allowed
So it appears the safe course is to stay near to home
And stifle the urge in far lands to roam
So instead of basking on the Costa del Sol
In rain soaked Largs you can still have a ball!
No need to head to the Dordogne for a mountain hike
Just pedal round Millport on second-hand bike
With the wind in your hair and the rain in your face
Compared to Lanzarote a much cheerier place!
So throw your euros and passport away
Perhaps you can use them in some future day
But in the meantime pack wellies and midge cream
And rediscover that Scottish idyllic dream
Ken Fisher
10,000 Steps
To this daily routine you have to commit
No feeble excuses to allow you to quit
10,000 steps are the target each day
From that objective we never must stray
Since lockdown imposed so many restrictions
We all must abide by these rigid conditions
But somehow we must seek our health to preserve
And reasonable fitness we would try to conserve
We are glad daily exercise is still permitted
So to a routine we have become committed
10,000 steps seems a worthy objective
Ensuring our frame might still remain active
But how do we count those 10,000 paces?
To ensure all our effort has not been wasted
By modern technology, that’s how we count
So that each day we know the total amount
The Fit Bit is best to act as a monitor
And your mobile phone contains a pedometer
Hence a record is kept of each active movement
Thus helping promote all this self-improvement
So when you’ve completed your daily routine
Just focus in on one of these tiny screens
The total pops up to reveal how you’ve done
Hoping that figure doesn’t spoil all your fun
The target we set we wish to achieve
By honest endeavour, we would not deceive
That 10,000 steps is our goal and our aim
Hurrah! We have got there, we proudly proclaim
Ken Fisher
Road Map for Life
You hear a lot these days
About a ‘Road Map’
Apparently it is a plan or strategy
Intended to achieve
A particular goal
So we may have ………
A road map out of lockdown
A road map for your career
A road map for peace
A road map towards independence
A road map towards buying your own home
A road map towards health and wealth
And so it goes on. Especially ON
As the road moves onwards
So must we!
I don’t know if we can call the AA?
As we used to do when things went
Wrong on the road
But at least we will have
That Map to tell us where to go
Perhaps politicians
like road Maps
Because they suggest that
We are going somewhere
Even if we never quite arrive
Evangelists might hold up
A road map to heaven
The road may be long
But the prize is sublime
Financial advisers
Might dupe you with their road map
Using your money to bring about
Untold riches and ever increasing wealth
For whom? We might ask
Fitness instructors
Will draw up a road map
To bring us back to renewed
Health and energy
Some of these have echoes of the Funeral Plans
Tastefully marketed by the local undertaker!
You get the drift?
In every sphere of human endeavour
But now even the map has been superseded
By the GPS system that not only shows us the way
But tracks our progress every inch
Don’t you long for a world
Where maps can be ignored
Where you simply wander at will
And let the future take care of itself?
And as for all the grandiose plans
Of politicians, planners and pundits
Consign them to the file called ‘fiction’
Which contains all the flights of fancy
Ken Fisher
WFH
Working From Home
Victim of this overwhelming pandemic
Of bodily contact we are now rather phobic
Thus the old office spaces are somewhat deserted
And the haven of home has now been converted
Whether by accident or by design
Working From Home is the new paradigm
Computers now parked on kitchen tables
Living room floors enmeshed in cables
For WFH is now commonplace
Domestic commerce we have to embrace
Goodbye fellow travellers on the daily commute
Confined to our house we all must stay put
Of course there are some gains without a doubt
With irritating colleagues we no longer hang out
And overbearing bosses are kept off our backs
Or the office comedian with his feeble wisecracks
But at home it may not always be quite serene
As your eyes become glazed at the flickering screen
If there’s children at home, or a pet that want’s out
There’s bound to be times when you just want to shout
At least at the office you just got on with your work
No domestic distractions that might make you shirk
On the other hand when WFH you feel you are free
To chat to a neighbour, take a fly cup of tea
Anyway as WFH is now part of our life
Let’s hope it doesn’t bring domestic strife
And that our labours at home will bring satisfaction
And the move to home working is affirmative action
Ken Fisher
Smile, Smile, Smile!
Don’t let the mask conceal your smile
Face covering cramp your style
Behind the cloth your joy express
The veil your spirit can’t depress
Dressed thus you seem anonymous
But you’re still yourself eponymous
Your name still known, you haven’t changed
From friends you have not been estranged
The mask a barrier artificial
The covering quite superficial
Underneath the guy we all know
Muffled so the breath can’t flow
So about the mask it’s my advice
No need that you stop and think twice
Just get it on and wear with pride
Do what the powers have specified
Ken Fisher
Joyless July
Joyless July?
Is that how you are feeling
The month normally dominated
By holiday escapades
Deprived of all adventure
Pristine summer clothes
Primed for action
Swimming trunks
Suntan lotion
Sunglasses
Passport
Don’t forget the Euros
But what’s the point?
Covid-19
Scuppered all prospect
Of sun, sea,
And Sangria!
Instead – Fish and Chips
Iron Bru
At Largs
The mind recalls
Lazy days
By Lake Como
Café culture in Nice
The Ramblas, Barcelona
Parisian boulevards
Never mind
It need not be
Completely joyless
Take comfort
In the weekly shop
The daily exercise
The Facetime chat
The Zoom assembly!
Don’t despair
Lifting lockdown
Will surely reveal
Wider horizons
Ken Fisher
BoMaD – Bank of Mum and Dad [Revisited]
Four years ago I penned the verses below
And I thought that by now the challenge might go
But Covid-19 has just made things more acute
On that property ladder to place the first foot
The problem it seems, jobs are no longer secure
That their earning power they cannot ensure
But to get enough mortgage to secure a first home
How on earth can these buyers take on a large loan?
On top of all this, family homes are overcrowded
Parents, by adult offspring, are once again surrounded
The plea we can hear, how can I break free!
Who will help me, this cramped refuge to flee?
…………………………………………
It would appear from press reports that if you’re short of cash
And trying to buy a house without the necessary stash
If you’re getting nowhere with the usual high street lenders
And chances of scaling the property ladder are getting ever slender
Then the best prospect for those who hold such aspirations
Is to maintain accord with your very close relations
Because it seems you will need to bring out that begging bowl
And ask your Mum and Dad if they will kindly you bankroll?
Costs of fleeing the nest seem to forever spiral
House price inflation having gone completely viral
So ‘baby boomer’ parents find that in this world gone mad
The desirable new brand is simply called BOMAD*
And offspring for sure are rarely being coy
As they latch on to this money-seeking ploy
As their elders have gained by rises o’er the years
And their bricks became a goldmine in common with their peers
So watch out all parents if you thought your wealth secure
You can’t ignore the pleadings of your kids who’re oh so poor
Cancel world cruises or a room in that care home
You’ll need to give your progeny more than chromosomes!
Ken Fisher
*BoMaD = Bank of Mum & Dad
Emblem: M&D from Shelter
Original version posted 3 May 2016
Socrates & Dionysus
The unexamined life is not worth living
Socrates
To make your life worth living
Let’s have it examined!
Put it to the test
An MOT about me
Check for Virtue
The greatest good in life
The best of all possessions
Happiness guaranteed!
But not quite
Poor Socrates
Indicted for corrupting youth
Exit by the Hemlock door
But for Dionysus no introspection
No MOT needed
The examined life just withers
Under the microscope
Living is life
And life is for living
Be released from the bondage
Of prudence, caution and temperance
So wherein lies the truth?
The philosophers’ favourite poser!
Don’t expect a simple answer
Just get a life – put the examination
On hold
Ken Fisher
Nostalgia
Locked up in lockdown
Our cell door might now be ajar
But not yet free to roam
Our mind rewinds
With wistful affection
To those visions of freedom
Forget the masks, the handwashing
The two-metre pirouette
Sidling past as we perambulate
Kissing and hugging taboo
Zooming and Skypeing
Facebook, but never really face to face
Nostalgia is not just
For days long gone
And childhood memories
But for four months ago
When movement incurred no sanctions
Nor deeds require a licence
Ken Fisher
thebardofkelvindale 