Monthly Archives: September 2021

SPAM

SPAM

[Not the Computer kind]

Not quite described as haute cuisine
In posh restaurants rarely seen
But for me spam’s still a tasty treat
And with all others can compete

It soon became the subject of much chatter
This Scientifically Processed Animal Matter
And despite this rather dubious name
Throughout the war it gained great fame

Jokes about spam were often harsh
As food they thought that it was trash
Now unwanted emails hit the bin
Like the contents of the square spam tin

Despite it all the spam sales grew
Its popularity they can’t subdue
Gaining a world-wide reputation
This porky dish devoured by  nations

The years saw varieties proliferate
As different flavours reached our plate
From classic spam to hot and spicy
Chorizo, Turkey, and Pumpkin pricey

Spam products offer versatility
Long shelf-life, affordability
It can be cooked in various ways
Round the world we sing its praise

Even today in supermarkets
This revered icon excels sales targets
So to all those food snobs disdaining spam
Stretch out your hand and grab a can

Ken Fisher

Face Recognition

Face Recognition

“I’ve grown accustomed to your face”
A famous line from My Fair Lady
You’re in my database
Quite sure, I don’t mean maybe

In the world of digital devices
Without shame or inhibition
Images captured of all shapes and sizes
Snared by face recognition

We’ve entered the realm of biometrics
Machines scanning every feature
Fresh-faced youth or ageing geriatric
It knows what kind of creature

Human faces are apparently
Tremendously diverse
No end to the variety
A featured universe

But how do I know it’s you?
By your familiar countenance
Even the mask I can see through
With one quick furtive glance

With its limitless expressions
From wide smile to harsh grimace
Signs of joy or dark depression
Unspoken on your face

To the world, what face do we display?
Threat or fear or love shining from our eyes
Ready to meet life come what may
Not hidden by disguise

Just as face recognition provides the key
Our devices to unlock
Thus the face I proclaim as me
All barriers might unblock

Ken Fisher

Carpet Slippers

Carpet Slippers

The Sixth Age of Man – “Shifts into lean and slippered pantaloon”
[Shakespeare]

Carpet slippers
Symbolic of age and increasing frailty
And why not?

Are feet not entitled to be cosseted
Those extremities petted and pampered?

After all they have supported us
All the day long of this troublous life
They have earned their reward

Carpet slippers – sometimes with Velcro fastening
Stigmatised as high fashion for the care home
The last stand of fragile feet

But isn’t this a bit unfair?
Slippers by definition
Can be slipped on and off

No wrestling with the intricasies of lace tying
At an unreachable distance
Easy access too for your friendly
Chiropodist or [modern] podiatrist

The raison d’etre of carpet slippers
Is to provide comfort
For the weary sole
A function they lovingly perform

But utility is not the only measure
Leather and different fabrics may be employed
And colour and style can enhance
Their otherwise drab image

So don’t be annoyed when younger relatives
Choose to select them as your number one
Christmas present

Be proud to wear your slippers
You won’t be carpeted for doing so!

Ken Fisher

 

 

 

 

Equinox  – Autumn 2021

Equinox – Autumn 2021

This astronomical event occurs twice a year
When the plane of the Earth’s equator
Passes through the centre of the Sun
On this day the Sun shines directly on the equator
And day and night are approximately equal

Today is the Autumnal Equinox 2021
And our minds look back to warm summer days
And forward, with some foreboding, to approaching winter
And we are happy to say, for now, not yet!

An Equinox is perhaps a good time to reflect
On all that has been good in life
To give thanks for many blessings
For holidays, and travel, and time for relaxation

As the tint of the leaves turns and they begin
To flutter down to form an ochre carpet
Like the lowering of a flag at the end of a parade
We realise that gradual change must come

But shortening days and lengthening nights
Need not bring somber thoughts
Or fears of nocturnal terrors
‘Cause winter brings its own special charms

Family gatherings round the ‘hearth’
Bonfires and fireworks displays
Trudging home through deepening snow
To celebrate Christmas with those we love

And so we acknowledge the endless
Progression of the calendar
Through equinox to solstice
And solstice to equinox,
And again
An unending gyration

But this year things seem quite different
Covid -19 continues to cast its shadow over all that seemed ‘normal’
Since these previous verses were written
And yet we would remain hopeful
Just as the Earth progresses in its orbit around the Sun
As each season brings its own mood and tenor
Let hope remain, the best is yet to come

Ken Fisher

Off to Yooni!

Off to Yooni!

Spare a thought for this year’s
Recruits to Higher Education
They are going off to Yooni
But are they really?

This year they may not
Be going off to anywhere
Or perhaps only for day-trips
A sort of discounted experience

But the young ones are not all snowflakes
Many are very resilient
And no doubt will make the best
Of what’s on offer – however convoluted

After all this is the high tech generation
Whose tiny fingers have been grafted on
To key-boards, Joy sticks and the mouse
Since infancy

So interfacing with on-line lectures
Should be almost instinctual
Zooming a doddle
Gaming in the blood

But how do you forge a relationship
With an algorithm?
What’s the required bandwidth
To cultivate human friendship?

I am not a robot – but I need to prove it
Coffee together in the common room
A pint in the union bar might be more
Evidence of our humanity

And all this ignores the enormity
Of the challenge of grasping new subjects
Unfamiliar landscapes, mountain climbing
Striving to ascend intellectual ladders

So we wish them well, all youz off to Yooni
Don’t let It beat you, whether your diet
Is to be blended or wholemeal
Swallow it – and don’t choke!

Ken Fisher

How Was Your Journey?

How Was Your Journey?

How was your journey? The poster asks
As we peep over those tiresome masks
The bus company bosses want to know
Were we happy as we come and go?

In the modern world customer satisfaction
Relates to passenger reaction
So we’re asked to tell them how we feel
Little joy or a splendid deal?

To let them know takes no time at all
Get on-line or give them a call
Did all go well as they expected?
Or little gripes have been detected

One wonders if they pay attention
Listening with apprehension
Do they consider our reply
With joyful cheer or passive sigh?

Perhaps that’s why so few respond
No energy to correspond
We accept the deal that is presented
Conditioned just to be contented

Ken Fisher

 

Anything to Declare?

Anything to Declare?

At Customs Desks there’s no evading
The essential interrogation
No bribery or glib persuasion
Averts our making declaration

Anything you need declare?
Uncompromising stark demand
Accompanied by a piercing stare
Authority’s dogged command

Not only when we’re on the move
Must we readily declare
All covertness remove
Honest intention thus laid bare

Need our life be so transparent
Others have no cause for doubt?
That our motives be apparent
Virtue evident throughout

Our words, our deeds, our whole demeanour
To the world a statement makes
Perceiving from our normal  manner
Judging whether true or fake

When we act as politician, evangelist
Or salesman trying to persuade
For that cause protagonist
Attempts your mistrust to evade

But sometimes there is contradiction
Between the image thus presented
The smiling face portrays a fiction
Concealment of the truth intended

What does your very life declare?
What is the essence that is you?
Perhaps the question’s quite unfair
You’re not a primate in the zoo!

Ken Fisher

Ideas

Ideas

Ideas curated in the library of the mind
Thoughts form the basis of ideas
Ideas expressed in ideologies
About politics, beliefs and moralities

Ideas sometimes formulated into theories
Theories rooted in these notions
Signposting the quest to
Make sense of the world and our life in it

Ideas the platform of the imagination
The launching pad for great endeavours
Ideas the seed bed for ambition
Germinating the genesis of achievement

But ideas are not always benign
Ideas may foster the plot for evil intent
Ideas the planning forum for war or terrorism
Obsessive ideas multiplying, unbridled

Ideas heralding serenity
Ideas provoking despair
Ideas rarely ever neutral
Ideas sometimes best ignored

Yet without ideas there is no vision
Ideas, not merely flights of fancy
Without ideas there is little hope or aspiration
Let action fly on ideas’ wings

Ken Fisher

Wheesht!

Wheesht!

Wheesht! A Scottish injunction urging silence
Wheesht! Sometimes colloquially expressed
As Haud yer Wheesht or hold your tongue!
It’s a verb, a noun, an interjection

How often have we wished that somebody
Would Wheest for a while?
The irritable baby
The whingeing toddler
The hectoring politician
The ranting preacher
The boring lecturer
The nagging wife
The bombastic father
The orgasmic cries of the sports commentator
The loud expressiveness of the over zealous actor

And it’s not only voices we wish would Wheesht
What about?
The thunderous traffic on a main highway
The cacophony of an orchestra wrestling with modern music
The defiant shriek of the flute bands of the Orange Walk
The throbbing of motor bikes at a veteran’s rally
The alarming siren sound of the ambulances and fire engines

But perhaps sometimes we would prefer the opposite
It’s not Wheesht we want it’s welcome sound of any kind
Like
The first words of an infant
The response of a person awakening from a coma
The “I do” at the altar on the Wedding Day
The let me help you – of a loving friend
The good news from a consultant after you MRI scan
The phone call to say – You’ve got the job!

Wheesht when you should but not for ever

Ken Fisher

Does God Mess Up?

Does God Mess Up?

Some would say it’s sacrilege
Others claim poetic privilege
When a songwriter’s lyrics give us a heads up
By asking if even God can mess up?

But if God’s in control of all that happens
In this universe with all its billions of atoms
Then if things have gone wrong who takes the blame
I wonder whose head should hang down in shame?

Is it unfair to blame the Lord of creation
For every ill besetting the nations?
We were taught He is both God and Man
Perhaps like us humans, does the best that He can

But when we cast our wide eyes around
So many situations that do confound
Warfare, disease, disaster unchecked
Surely the mind of God is perplexed

Yet we are told, in Him put your trust
Unflinching belief is really a Must
There is little room for prevarication
True faith demands unswerving conviction

Wouldn’t it be great if the world was just perfect?
All sweetness and light with never a defect
But since the Garden of Eden when things went awry
Perhaps our good God looks on with a sigh

So where are we now, if it’s not too late?
For God and mankind to co-operate
Neither side messing up in this joint endeavour
Human and divine travailling together

Ken Fisher