Christmas Is Coming 2020
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat
What might Santa bring me? Dominates the chat
And this year, still oppressed by the great pandemic
We need something special a gizmo or a gimmick
Lots of choices to entertain and amuse
Making it impossible for each of us to choose
It seems no time at all, since this month last year
Your previous gift – still unwrapped I fear!
The problem for me is you are so very generous
Thus I am overwhelmed with great mountains of stuff
I can only wear one pair of slippers at a time
Such excess warms me quicker than jugs of mulled wine
It was good of you to buy me that new casual shirt
Its gaudy colours nearly made my dim eyes hurt
I don’t know if you’ve heard, no-one now wears ties
And my thank-youz for them are really little lies
I realise that your attempts to keep up with new trends
Might have stretched your credit, made you over-spend
But please this year don’t push things to excess
Our neighbours are so rich, it will never them impress
I am wondering if this Christmas something novel might suffice
Unusual, surprising, still at reasonable price
So here’s a few ideas which might have some appeal
At least one of these, most folks should find ideal
What about a ticket to an outdoor swimming pool?
Once you’ve cracked the ice you really will look cool
Or a trip in one of those new driverless cars
With free insurance cover for any consequential scars
I rather fancy a tattoo, of course somewhere quite discreet
Tucked away neatly underneath the soles of my feet
And have you thought of having your head shaved bald
It’s bound to leave your relatives somewhat shocked, perhaps appalled
And how about a faux-fur dressing gown for cosy nights at home?
Or for the horticultural zealot perhaps a garden gnome?
Or this rather sick suggestion about a novel coffin
Called a “wooden onesie” you won’t use it very often!
If you need ideas on what’s now all-the-rage
On-line catalogues put temptation on every flickering page
As Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat
I can take PayPal or BitCoin and not just a penny from your hat!
And this Covid year makes it difficult to deliver
But don’t let the DPD man stand in the cold and shiver!