New Spectacles

New glasses, new image, clearer vision, brighter prospects
First the eye test, now much more high tech
More an optical screening, retinal retinopathy testing
Did I come for an eye test or full medical MoT?

Mind you, we still have to identify the letters
In ever diminishing sizes on the distant screen
First with the one eye, then with the other
Did God not give us two to do the job properly?

Next comes the physical examination of each eye
Must eliminate macular degeneration, a scourge of age
Narrow torch rays, like lasers, beamed into the eye
Sudden burst of light to check reactions – total darkness
Did they intend to induce blindness?

Then we move to another machine when our response
To little flickers on the screen are measured
Click as soon as you detect anything. Don’t cheat, don’t guess
After this assault course we wonder if it’s specs or a white stick we need

Eventually we are released from the darkened chamber
We receive our prescription and it is time to choose new frames
It is then that we realize the NHS makes only a minor contribution
To our eye care. If vanity motivates us we are in for a shock

Of course there are some cheapo frames but most are not
If we are beguiled by designer names and fancy styles
Prepare to put your credit card into melt-down
But you convince yourself this is part of your image

Of course you have to get the vari-focal, anti-scratch
Anti-glare, versions. If they must be light-weight
You will need high-index plastics, and if UV light
Is a problem you will need polycarbonate lenses

It is then that you ask if they do mortgages!

In due time the frames arrive and they are checked
Are they aligned OK? Are they sitting comfortably on your nose?
Do they grip on your ears and prevent any slipping?
If they pass this optical MOT you are ready to face the world
Vision enhanced, bank balance diminished!

Ken Fisher