Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Redoubtable Ms Clarke

The Redoubtable Ms Clarke

 

They said at the start “It’s a position of trust”
And accuracy is an absolute ‘must’
Ms Clarke was aware of the need for discretion
They would not tolerate any transgression

Despite these quite rigorous stipulations
Perhaps even because she liked tight regulations
Ms Clarke was happy to work for that firm
And her acceptance of all she would gladly affirm

Her duties covered a significant range
Receipts and payments, often foreign exchange
Processing documents, checking the prices
Extensive use of computer devices

Payroll and wages presented no problems
Her awareness of tax was really quite awesome
Marginal costing, credit control, even VAT
To Ms Clarke a cinch, no trouble with that

Trial balance, profit and loss, bank reconciliation
All processed without the slightest vexation
The final accounts from these easily prepared
Her bosses, amazed, just stood there and stared!

Thus Ms Clarke was well on the way to a godlike status
As master of the whole admin apparatus
But then it became something of a surprise
To find in the ointment there was a small fly

For actual money handling there was little call
But in this obscure corner began Ms Clarke’s fall
Most firms still have need of some petty cash
And with that fund employees sometimes get rash

The sums of money are merely a trickle
But nonetheless one might get into a pickle
The total fund is called an imprest
But these small amounts can herald distress

Ms Clarke somehow succumbed to temptation
Perhaps she thought she deserved compensation
Anyway by a relentless process of syphoning off
From her worthy employer she performed a rip-off

Gradually over many months and years
A burgeoning total would disappear
But because the account was still called ‘petty’
Not large paper, more like confetti

But one day when Ms Clarke went off on vacation
The auditors expressed a little vexation
About lack of clarity in Ms Clarke’s account
Which spawned in their mind some significant doubt

So while Ms Clarke basked in the sunshine of foreign climes
It became clear she had perpetrated exorbitant crimes
Her petty fraud had resulted in a vast accumulation
Exposed by this somewhat belated examination

On return Ms Clarke became the subject of an inquisition
The result of which, an unwilling admission
That she had helped herself to what she believed she was due
To label her as a thief was not really true

But I am afraid the majesty of the law extended its arm
Claiming that to condone fraud would result in great harm
Ms Clarke was reminded of her position of trust
Where not only accuracy but integrity was clearly a must

Poor Ms Clarke found her freedom somewhat restricted
As of fraud our hero was duly convicted
The law was thus applied in appropriate measure
Detained for some years at Her Majesty’s pleasure

Ken Fisher

Home Again

Home Again

 

Click goes the key in the lock
A gentle push to gain re-entry
Home’s blessed sanctuary

It’s not that we didn’t have a good time
But somehow it’s comforting to return to base
With all its every day familiarity

Travel broadens the mind they say
And without doubt it forces our eyes open
But unless you venture far
Perhaps little dilation of the eyes
Or expansion of the intellect

Home, the arena of domestic life
Of events quotidian and surprising
Moments of joy and despair
Acted out within its walls

But no matter how exiting
Our extra-mural exploits
We still hanker for home
Where we can be ourself

So that key inserted in the lock
That crossing of the threshold once again
Brings relief for a journey now completed
Normality restored once more

Ken Fisher

What is the Point?

What is the Point?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself
Of anything, what is the point?
Perhaps we are too afraid to ask
As the answer might disappoint

So much in life we simply accept
And questions we rarely attempt
Some topics have somehow become taboo
And from challenge remain exempt

But habit can sometimes be a lazy thing
If we don’t take a moment to think
And tradition can make slaves of us all
When perchance we are being hoodwinked

So perhaps we should pause just now and again
To ask why some notions exist
Not simply be ruled by the status quo
And let sloppy thinking persist

So what are the concepts of which we might ask
“Please let us know what’s the point”
Religion and philosophy might fill the bill
What is their aim and endpoint?

And some may well claim that art seems ever so dense
For others all sport leaves them cold
And gardening while loved by quite a few
Leaves many quite unenthralled

In theatre and music some find their passion
But to many they make no sense
As for politics, ancient history and maths
Who is ready to advance a defence?

We could go through the wide gamut of human endeavour
Question  devotees and fanatics
Have they ever stopped to take time to reflect
Before adopting their stance quite dogmatic

Of course the danger here is we might over-react
Our rejection becomes unforgiving
Then we can find little reason for existence itself
Conclude there is no point in living!

Ken Fisher

Your Friendly Bean Counters!

Your Friendly Bean Counters

[A tribute to BN Associates – small accountancy Firm of the Year 2018]

 

Some claim that accountancy is really boring
And the subject is simply not worth exploring
But I would reject this view superficial
‘Cause accounting for business is most beneficial

Accounting can outline the state of our wealth
And strong cash flow is vital for health
If we find ourselves too deep in debt
Our creditors become a serious threat

So by keeping track of such vital numbers
Monetary issues should never encumber
And accurate accounting will show us the way
To monitor the business each working day

Enough of the system, it’s people that matter
And I don’t intend to unduly flatter
But I know of a squad who deserve all our praise
As they help their clients in so many ways

So today I offer warmest congratulations
To a firm now peerless within our great nation
So raise your glasses to Brett, David and team
As they tick every box and count every bean!

Ken Fisher
The Bard of Kelvindale

Vernal Equinox 2018

Vernal Equinox

[Tuesday 20 March 2018]

 

Equinoxes occur twice a year
When the plane of the Earth’s equator
Passes through the centre of the Sun
On this day the Sun shines directly on the equator
And day and night are approximately equal

Today is the Spring Equinox
And our minds look forward to warmer days
And backwards, with gratitude for the receding of winter
We are filled with hope for the months ahead

An Equinox is perhaps an appropriate time to reflect
On all that has been good in life
To give thanks for its many blessings
For health and shelter and for companionship

As the buds form on the trees and plants sprout
Carpeting the land which has lain barren for long
We look forward in anticipation to burgeoning life
In field and tree, in gardens and on hillside

And these days of longer daylight hours
When we say a belated farewell to the snowy carpet
Affording us the chance to escape from our winter burrows
And breathe the more expansive air of the world outside
As our horizons are lifted to a wider vision and a brighter prospect

Ken Fisher

 

 

Ts & Cs Apply

Ts & Cs Apply
[Terms and Conditions]

Just sign here please, Sir/Madam
And in no time at all it will happen
You get possession of these shiny goods
Or a sumptuous hamper of tasty foods

With modern methods of instant payment
The banks acting as our willing agent
We meet our contractual obligations
Paying up without hesitation

But in the realm of rapid settlement
There may be issues to our detriment
We’ve overlooked while doing the deal
Which in the end prove not ideal

Whenever we wish to place an order
From household goods to bricks and mortar
We cannot avoid the obligations
Of which these terms are its foundation

Unfair terms may be hidden in small print
The seller giving not a hint
Thus you, the public overlook
And thereby you misunderstood

It may be false to claim it was deception
Perhaps just a different perception
But sometimes the unwitting consumer
Is at variance with the retailer

So the message for us all who would contract
To avoid the need that we redact
To satisfy our doubts or suspicions
Before you sign check Terms and Conditions

So in future don’t be swept away
By the greatest offer of that day
Ts & Cs could surely change your mind
So read them well before you sign!

Ken Fisher

As a Revolutionary, Guy Fawkes was Relatively Tame (2017 version)

As a Revolutionary Guy Fawkes Was Relatively Tame!

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Who can doubt the treachery of Guy Fawkes in days of yore
As audacious as any revolt that had come before
To kill King James and those then sitting in Parliament
Was the purpose on which these bold plotters were bent

But the plotters were ‘foxed’ when the cellars were checked
And their malicious intentions did not go unchecked
Thus failed the plan to divert history’s direction
With the death of those who foment disaffection

Fast forward from those events of 1605
The desire for reform is still much alive
Perhaps gunpowder no longer the agent of change
Other forces at play can  our lives rearrange

Politics, the modern weapon whereby changes are wrought
Citizens express their desires through the ballot box
So elections now ignite the volatile spark
Resulting in changes that may be quite stark

The referenda can trigger demands quite explosive
As feelings are stirred making tempers emotive
Demands for freedom from the yoke of the oppressor
Those perceived of our rights to have been the transgressor

And so on the  European Question there was little doubt
Deeply divided opinion on whether IN or OUT
Brexit is bound to bring far-reaching change
Who yet knows if these will be losses or gains?

While at this time of year Guy Fawkes may be fondly recalled
By contemporary scandals we are not quite so enthralled!
But one thing is sure, changes will come, and we’ll have to cope
So keep your powder dry and don’t give up hope

It is odd to reflect that the prestige of Westminster
May be tarnished by the new sobriquet ‘sexminster’
Let’s hope MPs can revert to propriety
And I don’t simply mean maintaining sobriety!

Ken Fisher

The Wonders of Wales – revisited

The Wonders of Wales – revisited

Llandudno

Once again we have headed for the coast of North Wales
Whose attraction for us never seems to pale
Most of our time was spent on the Isle of Angelsey
In a little hamlet, well suited for rest and for play

It is interesting that even in the modern world of today
The Welsh language is spoken here every day
And reading the multi-lingual road signs
Can quite often be a bit of a bind

However this is a minor irritation
And Wales on the whole is a generous nation
Across the Isle of Anglesey and from shore to shore
There is much for the holiday-maker to explore

The eastern gateway to Anglesey is Telford’s mighty Menai Bridge
And not far way the Britannia crossing spans the Strait’s wide ridge
At Holyhead in the west you can escape overseas
And take the Irish ferries with the greatest of ease

Having exhausted the pleasures of Angelesey’s beaches
The short trip to the mainland makes it easy to reach
Llandudno, Penmaenmawr, and royal Caernarfon
And Snowdonia’s mountains there to be climbed on

Llandudno is a seaside town you really need to see
Its pier, long promenade where Punch & Judy still brings the kids much glee
There’s the Great Orme tramway, Happy Valley and even some copper mines
Shops to spend your money and restaurants for food and wine

For the tourist North Wales offers many attractions
Scenic railways, slate mines, Bodnant Gardens bring much satisfaction
And wherever you go or whatever you do
To have chosen Wales you will never rue

Ken Fisher

 

[See my previous poems on this subject:
The Wonders of Wales – Sept 2015
North Wales – A Holiday Treasure – July 2016
See also my Poem – Dublin’s Fair City – Aug 2017]

The Glasgow Fair

The Glasgow Fair

I didn’t know this, and with respect, I doubt if you did too
The Glasgow Fair has its origins in the 12th century
When in 1190 Jocelin of Wells, Bishop of Glasgow
Requested permission of King John to hold a yearly fair
For the trading of livestock, and goods. The first fair
Was held within Glasgow Cathedral!

By the 1800’s the Fair had grown into a full fort-night holiday
Although it was only when holidays with pay arrived
That people might truly enjoy a break, either at home
Or increasingly ‘Doon the Watter’ on the Clyde Coast
‘A rer terr at Ayr at the Fer ‘ (A rare time at Ayr at the Fair)
Not forgetting Largs, Saltcoats, Troon and Prestwick

This Fair weekend brings back personal memories
For it was just after Fair Monday that I started work
Some 60 years ago as an ‘enthusiastic’ office boy
As far as I am concerned, happy days, although I doubt
If many would take the same view in our modern world

Anyway, enjoy the weekend, whether on the banks of the Clyde
Or in some far flung exotic corner of the globe
And whether the sun shines or not (probably not in Glasgow)
Don’t let it damp your enthusiasm or zest for life
And why not capture again the spirit of the fair ground
With all its joy and hurly burly

Ken Fisher

 

Teflon or Velcro

Teflon or Velcro

 

Human personalities vary to a great degree
To describe them all is really quite beyond me
But a shrewd observer has summed it in one phrase
Are we Teflon or Velcro in the manner we faze?

If life’s problems and trials simply bounce off our back
If everyday irritations don’t turn our mood to black
Then we’re more like Teflon that can easily repel
And cast aside the issues that would our peace dispel

On the other hand some of us simply can’t let things go
More like Velcro sticking fast to each new-found woe
Every change and chance in life’s daily grind
Ensnares us with chains that forever bind

But perhaps these labels are really far too neat
The Velcro types do not always taste defeat
Teflon champions cannot always win the day
‘Cause life isn’t black or white, it’s often rather grey

Can we learn anything from these categorisations
What principle of action, what helpful application?
Teflon and Velcro, both useful innovations
But of personality, surely not  complete summation

We each are born with characteristics quite unique
Some bold and confident, others shy and rather meek
So we must work with what we have and try to do our best
And branded role models should not be the only test

So thank you Teflon, you’ve shown us to resist
Testing times and challenges that seem still to persist
And Velcro, you’ve warned us not to let all things stick
And perhaps to grow a hide that’s just a little thick

But in the end, no matter what life may become
Full of excitement or even quite hum drum
Help us in all things to steer the middle course
Whether Teflon our Velcro be the dominant force

Ken Fisher

[I published an earlier version of this poem in September 2015]

Mums the Word [for Mother’s Day]

Mums the Word  [for Mother’s Day]

 

‘Seal up your lips and give no words but mum’
Shakespeare Henry IV Part 2 (1590)

 

Mum’s the word for us today
She’s the one to hear our praise
She’s the one who gave us birth
She’s the one of endless worth

So today let all offspring
Of their Mum just shout and sing
For without Mum where would we be?
Of our success she is the key

‘Keeping mum’ suggests a secret
Surely that is not the treatment
Shout aloud for your dear Mum
Let none of us simply sit dumb

Ken Fisher