Author Archives: thebardofkelvindale.com

Survey Monkey!

Survey Monkey

 

Get the facts! Count the numbers! With these you can’t go wrong!
And “facts are cheils that winna ding, and downa be disputed”*
So to prove the case with solid facts surely won’t take long
Our source of truth and accuracy cannot be refuted

But having taken time and effort the data all collected
Collated all the inputs, calculations duly performed
We find our conclusions in reality not reflected
As if our research still leaves us misinformed

Could this be because the questions make no sense?
Or our analysis contrived the real results to distort
We shouldn’t really need to offer pleas in our defence
As the numbers surely will our case support

Pollsters’ forecasts now result in consternation
Apparently unable to accurately predict
Despite all that deep interrogation
Somehow reality they fail to depict

So when to the results of surveys we appeal
We surely ought to exercise due caution
The answers given may not mirror how people feel
Rationality given way to emotive reaction?

Ken Fisher

*”Facts are chiels that winna ding “ = Facts are fellows that
will not be overturned. From A Dream – Robert Burns 1786

Cautionary Sign

Cautionary Sign

 

A sign that brings us little cheer
Just apprehension, I still fear
It is crumbling at the edges
Like some approaching life’s later stages!

But perhaps this is a message too depressing
Life in old age not all distressing
Hopefully we enjoy the wisdom of the years
And happy memories dispel our tears

Content with the contribution we have made
The roles in life that we have played
In support to family and our friends
Who o’er the years on us depend

We pray for grace to demonstrate
In all of life, however late
The joys that can be ours each day
As we progress along its way

And even as this sign might crumble
Cautioning us to remain humble
It’s not a signal of despair
‘Cause true  hope abounds everywhere

Ken Fisher

The Bible – A Guide to Life?

The Bible – A Guide to Life?

[A sonnet]

 

What is this tome revered from ancient days?
The story of mankind from Eden’s primal dawn
Law given to the tribes to guide them in their ways
God’s presence near at hand, at times withdrawn
Lives of Kings and patriots, prophets even slaves
Warfare, division and internecine strife
Trials by famine, pestilence and plague
Under God’s burning sun they lived out life
Tales of heroes, giant killers, suffering servants
We discover all that reflects humanity’s condition
Flawed leaders, faithful women, righteous peasants
God’s provision, eternal love, abiding protection
In testaments old and new His dealings are revealed
Breach between creator and created is thus healed

Ken Fisher

History

History – ‘Just One Damned Thing After Another’

It was apparently Henry Ford who sagely declared
That “History was just one damned thing after another”
And I don’t think there is any way we can refute that
Because we think of history as moving with time

At school we were sometimes told that Geography is about Maps
And History was about Chaps
(Ignoring the enormous contribution of the female sex)
Anyway History is generally expressed as a reflexion of  peoples’ lives

Of course the timespan of human existence in terms of
The whole history of  the earth is limited to perhaps
About 200,000 years, and we don’t know much
Of the story of the very earliest chaps

But nonetheless it is a long time from 200,000 years ago
To our present day – a very large historical tome
would be needed to tell that story
And perhaps a little boring – let’s try it on Facebook!

But what did Henry Ford mean by just one damned thing?
It sounds as if he had a troublesome life
Well he was a brilliant engineering innovator
And his problems were more with the unions than engines

Anyway Ford, in using the epithet about History
Seems to me to have succinctly summed up
The nature of life and living down the centuries
Never easy for the human spirit, but triumphing through it all

But I wonder if we ourselves would put such a negative judgment
on our view of history. Some might prefer to say it was the constant
march of progress* down the years from the darkness of ignorance
and superstition to the light of knowledge and rationality

But this seems to overlook an endless succession of really damnable things!

Ken Fisher

  • Interestingly, I read that Marx took from Hegel the sense that
    progress is inevitable, and that history has a pattern and is 
    not just one thing after another.

Remembrance 2017

Remembrance 2017

A similar poem was posted at this time last year.
We hope that despite the restlessness among the nations
 we might still remain grateful for the past and
optimistic about the future
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Today is a time for remembering
Thinking back to those dark days of war
When life was uncertain for all
And for some, death was an imminent prospect

But few living today have much memory
Of the years of conflict when hostilities raged
And although warfare still encircles the world
Our experience of it is mediated by TV images

And yet we have an uncomfortable feeling
That despite efforts to unite the nations
There is a persistent climate of arm-wrestling
Between the great powers who eyeball each other

The Cold War brought with it the four-minute-warning
Not long to compose our minds for oblivion!
But presently, although we hope our future might stretch for decades,
We cannot quite eliminate the nagging uncertainty for our destiny

However, for today, we give thanks
For all those who bought our freedom
And pledge to strive to maintain
Such fragile peace as we possess

Ken Fisher

Taxation

Taxation [And how some dodge it]

 

Taxation, a claim on their wealth, some want to avoid
The demand from the Revenue gets them really annoyed
But avoidance is achieved when legal loop-holes are taken
Whereas evasion, an act of defiance really quite brazen

The distinction between these two seems really quite subtle
For both indicate, of the demands of the state, a sort of rebuttal
Although avoidance involves the clever use of the law
Evasion is just deception, quite blatant and raw

It would appear that lots of citizens and large corporations
Have exploited the laws of far away nations
Based on islands amidst the sun, sand and sea
Where from heavy tax levies they permit us to flee

Some say that this is just a form of legitimized theft
To benefit the few, with no care for the rest
But others claim that the fruits of their hard-earned labour
Should belong to themselves and not to their neighbour

Perhaps the truth of the matter is not easy to detect
We are entitled to our rewards but others we must not neglect
So when it comes to taxation we should try to be fair
And devise a system through which all get a share

Many trying to reduce their tax are forced to explore
If they can achieve this by moving funds off-shore
And thus have grown up complex institutions
Helping their clients to reduce tax contributions

You may well have a view as to whether all this is moral
And there are no doubt principles  with which you may quarrel
But human beings are inclined to look after self first
Ensuring that their wealth is not too widely dispersed

Ken Fisher

Revolution [On the centennial of the Russian Revolution 1917]

Revolution

Today marks the centennial of the end of the
Russian Revolution – November 7th 1917

 When we sit cosily at home with our tea and scone
It seems incredible that peace might be overthrown
And in a world where communication is so all pervasive
Where words rather than weapons might be persuasive

Revolution implies the forcible ousting of government
By those who demand a new empowerment
That the existing order of society be cast aside
Usurped by a sea-change taken at high tide

Countries great and small lived through revolution
Accompanied by bloodshed and much persecution
In France, America, Cuba, and nation states world wide
Sometimes united in the cause, often fraught by genocide

Even today the  modern world of nations remains fractious
Made unstable by nationalism and diverse political factions
While adherence to religion still exerts a powerful force
Sometimes engendering unity, at others internecine divorce

So while we recall historic events of those days long past
Our plea is that our own fragile peace might last
That somehow the peoples of our divided lands
Might reach out to one another with open hands

It should not be beyond our wit to achieve an abiding solution
Which avoids the last resort of bloody revolution
That justice and equity be achieved without upheaval
A fairer society where all are treated equal

Ken Fisher

As a Revolutionary, Guy Fawkes was Relatively Tame (2017 version)

As a Revolutionary Guy Fawkes Was Relatively Tame!

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Who can doubt the treachery of Guy Fawkes in days of yore
As audacious as any revolt that had come before
To kill King James and those then sitting in Parliament
Was the purpose on which these bold plotters were bent

But the plotters were ‘foxed’ when the cellars were checked
And their malicious intentions did not go unchecked
Thus failed the plan to divert history’s direction
With the death of those who foment disaffection

Fast forward from those events of 1605
The desire for reform is still much alive
Perhaps gunpowder no longer the agent of change
Other forces at play can  our lives rearrange

Politics, the modern weapon whereby changes are wrought
Citizens express their desires through the ballot box
So elections now ignite the volatile spark
Resulting in changes that may be quite stark

The referenda can trigger demands quite explosive
As feelings are stirred making tempers emotive
Demands for freedom from the yoke of the oppressor
Those perceived of our rights to have been the transgressor

And so on the  European Question there was little doubt
Deeply divided opinion on whether IN or OUT
Brexit is bound to bring far-reaching change
Who yet knows if these will be losses or gains?

While at this time of year Guy Fawkes may be fondly recalled
By contemporary scandals we are not quite so enthralled!
But one thing is sure, changes will come, and we’ll have to cope
So keep your powder dry and don’t give up hope

It is odd to reflect that the prestige of Westminster
May be tarnished by the new sobriquet ‘sexminster’
Let’s hope MPs can revert to propriety
And I don’t simply mean maintaining sobriety!

Ken Fisher

Fidget

Fidget

I notice that fidgeting has been brought back to mind
As nervous souls seek out ways to unwind
Some smart entrepreneur has come up with a winner
And thus brought to market the Fidget Spinner

I suppose this might simply be a short-term craze
Its duration not years but simply months, even days
But that fact of its appearance does at least testify
To an unmet need you cannot deny

So what is this fidgeting eponymous?
That gave the name to this device so dexterous
Requiring nimble fingers to spin the wheel
And the faster, I assume the better we feel

Fidgeting is the act of moving restlessly
Fiddling with hands or clothes somewhat nervously
Perhaps it is fear or boredom causing agitation
Or some forthcoming test or a confrontation

Some claim that fidgeting is caused by our genes
So this restless behaviour is not what it seems
Whatever the cause it is an unconscious act
Of which few would deny its power to distract

Fidgeting may involve pulling one’s hair
Or flexing fingers, a quite common affair
Sometimes our leg cannot keep still
Bouncing up and down quite beyond our will

So what can we do about this awkward affliction?
Which at its worst is like a persistent addiction
Perhaps to relax is the best advice we can give
And with all such defects simply just learn to live

Ken Fisher

Halloween 2017

Halloween [Tuesday 31st October 2017]

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Trick or Treat I hear them ask – what should I reply?
As on the threshold of my door the guisers I espy
To ward them off I pay their price as if it were a ransom
With fruits and sweets and even nuts a gift that I thought handsome

But before I let my ‘guests’ depart I ask them in return
What entertainment will they provide, what act will they perform?
It is in times like these I find that suddenly they’re silent
Unable to convince me that Britain has still Got Talent!

However, eventually together they muster up some courage
One even recites a bawdy poem – not really with much flourish
Two more play on the ‘air guitar’ a stimulating riff
While others mouth imagined lyrics, standing there quite stiff

The performance duly over towards the door they shuffle
And in sharing out the Treats try to avoid a scuffle
It was then I notice their costumes quite exotic
Theatrical to say the least – some even psychedelic

These young celebrants in this ancient hallowed festival
Of evil spirits, ghosts and some things quite heretical
Are really just out to have fun with all their many friends
And despite their spooky garb they bring no ill intent

So when our doorbell rings with the challenge ‘Trick or Treat’?
Let’s welcome them with open heart – and with a smile do greet
‘Cause on the eve ere All Saints’ Day it’s best that we been seen
To welcome visitors e’re so strange on this night of Halloween

Ken Fisher

 

Clocks Go Back 2017

Clocks Go Back [Sunday 29th October 2017]

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The days are getting shorter, the nights are drawing in
In no time at all we will arrive at Halloween
Darkness is descending, as we struggle through the gloom
Look out for the guisers draped in their costume

‘Ere we reach that ‘hallowed’ eve the clocks must be turned back
Between Saturday and Sunday an hour they give us back
For last Spring those same clocks were moved an hour forward
To rectify that change now the movement will be rearward

It seems to me this time of year might make you feel depressed
And sometimes negative feelings can be manifest
Some people think this clock change is the harbinger of doom
And thoughts of hibernation fill their hearts with gloom

But most of us will soon accept the changing of the light
Brighter in the morning, then dark earlier at night
Nothing’s really changed, it’s ourselves who’ve played a trick
Tinkering with the clock hands but letting it still tick

So with the changing of the hour we revert to Greenwich Mean
British Summer Time left behind till Spring’s green shoots are seen
But at least we know now where we are, the timing quite official
No fiddling with the hours of day or night, no changes artificial

Ken Fisher

And on Tuesday 31st

The Slow Death of the Cheque

The Slow Death of the Cheque

The Bills of Exchange Act 1882 defines a cheque as a written order from an account holder
instructing their bank to pay a specified sum of money to one or more named beneficiaries.

The old fashioned cheque is now under threat
And its early demise is quite a safe bet
Its steady decline has now become drastic
Thanks to the ubiquitous employment of plastic

Credit and debit cards are now used everywhere
Especially when paying at point of sale
And now for small payments, no need to swipe
Just touch the card on the sensor, no gripe

The combination of chip and pin has almost killed cash
And these smart methods all work in a flash
When you want to make payment by the internet
Your plastic data can soon increase your debt

The growth of eBay has promoted PayPal
And for online trading it helps you go far
Of course you can now pay using your phone
Which is handy if travelling and you want to get home

So many of us now use lap-tops or tablets
Thus on-line banking’s a regular habit
So payments can happen without intervention
Debts can be settled with little attention

There is one point of which we must take note
And this to ensure we still keep afloat
Does our bank account hold enough in reserve?
To ensure our creditworthiness we still preserve

One final word, and this is a caution
But I think on this venture you should take precautions
Bitcoin is a brand new type of ‘crypto-currency’
I think I will avoid till it reaches maturity

Ken Fisher