Category Archives: Industry, Banking and Capitalism

Poems about industry and capitalism

BOGOF [Buy One Get One Free]

BOGOF

[Buy One Get One Free]

 

 

You are no doubt familiar with the technique
A marketing device, by no means unique
Whereby you are tempted to buy more than one
Because to get two they don’t increase the sum

Contrary to what you and I might well think
This has not been contrived to simply hoodwink
For centuries these offers were seen to be good
Apparently first used by Josiah Wedgewood

BOGOF is a method of marketing things
Extolling the benefits claimed goods will bring
Services too are sometimes offered in doubles
At no extra cost nor any more trouble

Economists claim that BOGOF increases sales
And the costing structure takes account of details
So although two items are given in exchange
Any loss of margin the turnover regains

So that is why BOGOF items appear regularly
And with sellers and buyers it has popularity
This clever marketing trick can simply combine
Your satisfaction with their bottom line

Ken Fisher

 

 

Squaring the Books

Squaring the Books

 

It’s that time of year when the books have to be ‘squared’
The results of the business are thereby laid bare
The initial  task is to prepare the Trial Balance
An exercise which by itself is no mean challenge

All bookkeepers already  know that for every Debit
There has to be another corresponding Credit
If by chance any are found to be missing
We have an unacceptable condition

Throughout the year we have monitored Cash Flow
If we haven’t done that our success we’ll torpedo
And regard for our Budget is quite fundamental
To ensure no problems have become incremental

Of course the Trial Balance is just the first stage
Not providing all the facts for success to be gauged
We need to proceed to the P & L or I & E account
To reach that, there are problems we must first surmount

Yet many adjustments have to be considered
Prepayments and Charges still to be rendered
The obscure complexities of annual Depreciation
Capital and Revenue expenditure and Asset Valuation

The Statement of Financial Activities will show how we’ve done
And hopefully nothing serious has gone wrong
Enough money to pay our Creditors as due
No Bad Debts to get us in a stew!

All the facts need to be drawn from the daily Ledgers
And aggregated together for us then to consider
And next we can channel the results of this trawl
Into the Balance Sheet which will then reveal all

Of course every Transaction needs to be classified
If we get that wrong others we assuredly misguide
The decision to retain Profit can Stakeholders upset
Keep the Shareholders happy, a much safer bet

Fortunately in this modern age we’ve got rid of the pen
Fancy software now employed by all our businesses
And computer systems process all the raw facts
Leaving us to do little except VAT returns and Tax

So when you receive the Audited Report and Accounts
Please consider them well and don’t simply denounce
Think of all that hard work that is contained in those pages
And you must then appreciate the Accountants’ enormous charges!

Ken Fisher

P&L = Profit and Loss   I&E =  Income and Expenditure

Apprenticeship

Apprenticeship

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Today is Budget Day and it is interesting to note
a new emphasis on Apprenticeships.  An old idea
being given new clothes 

The image in this picture represents great distortion
Of what apprenticeship today is really all about
Their TV show antics seem out of all proportion
The normal rules of business they prefer to flout

Of course there is little doubt it brings us entertainment
But do the images they create show us much of business?
Surely apprenticeship involving good work placement
Should let us experience a working life in all its richness

In latter years many young people have shunned apprenticeship
So off they went in droves, hoping to become a graduate
Believing that the University would them for life equip
But in the end wealth and success proved not their future fate

So recently there has been greater realization
That practical training rather than lofty theory
Might better serve the young denizens of our nation
Than book learning of which they become weary

Getting your hands dirty in workshop or in laboratory
Might then prove for many a much wiser bet
Adding steadily to a growing skills inventory
And incidentally avoiding piles of student debt

In the old days apprentices into journey-men became
And now-a-days these trainees can show similar success
The system of advancement is now much less arcane
As in the modern day labour market they smoothly can progress

So to Lord Sugar we must offer due deference
He and his team of two have kept us all amused
But the real life apprenticeship is our own preference
And between the two we are surely not confused

Ken Fisher

 

What About the Workers?

What About the Workers?

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There is much talk in the media at this present time
About the future of work which may be in decline
For the robots are coming to take every job
And thus from the people their income to rob

Started long ago with machines on the farm
Agricultural labourers indeed felt the harm
Then the cottage industries soon disappeared
As new textile machinery got into gear

But then came lots of jobs in the world of commerce
A white-collar career seemed to offer great promise
Armies of typists and clerks neatly attired
Could occupy desks until they retired

In due course the factories became automated
Old fashioned methods soon were outdated
The workers had to keep pace with machines
Under controllers at shiny computer screens

As systems evolved in the world of business
Unremitting change with no forgiveness
Artificial intelligence now to-day’s greatest threat
As thinking machines the workers beset

So clerks and typists and check-out operators
Are all under threat by the perpetrators
Of autonomous devices needing no human hands
So how might the workers this onslaught withstand?

The world of the call centre is another workplace
Where humans may no doubt soon be replaced
With robots programmed to handle our needs
Without delay at remarkable speed

And the press is full of stories of cars
Who will drive themselves however far
So taxis and vans with armies of drivers
With redundancy there won’t be any survivors

Because make no mistake this robotic invasion
Even of professional work will see infiltration
So that Doctors’ diagnoses and lawyers’ advice
Replaced by software at reasonable price

Even accountants who make a comfortable living
Charging fancy fees without any misgiving
May find the deep mysteries of their craft
Undertaken by robots instead of their staff

So how are we going to earn our daily corn
With no work to do won’t we be all forlorn?
With no wage coming in, how will we survive
For it’s surely money that helps keep us alive?

Well perhaps in due time we’ll find paradise
If some generous government being oh so wise
Lets the robots do all the work that there is to do
And we get the income which was our wage hitherto

In such a perfect world at ease we could rest
With no daily toil we would be free of all stress
The robots will serve and never complain
And we the ex-workers can take all the gain!

Ken Fisher

By way of evidence for the above tirade here are just two
quotations from the Business Section of the Daily Telegraph
on 27 February 2017:

‘Robot lined up to handle O2 enquiries’
‘The car giant FORD has teamed up with an artificial 
intelligence company to work on new generations of
driverless cars’

From the Sunday Times 26 Feb 2017:
Aviva Insurance has asked its 16,000 staff: 
could a robot do your job?  If so the company 
will retrain employees for new roles.

And this more ominous headline from the US:

‘Why the United Nations must  move forward with a killer 
robots ban  – If we don’t get a ban in place there will be
an artificial intelligence arms race’

 

 

Cold Calling

Cold Calling

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The phone rings and we react in a Pavlovian way
Only to find that we have once again become prey
To those anonymous callers who want us to respond
To their sales messages electronically spawned

We know right away when we pick up the phone
That the caller is thousands of miles from our home
Their grasp of our language seems rudimentary
Their spiel they repeat as if straight from memory

The background noise sounds like a bazaar
How many such sales progress very far?
But these callers give it their very best shot
Each shift for them must be really fraught

Then there are calls which purport to be local
Sometimes these speakers can be very vocal
‘We are in your area and thought we would ring
To offer our product – the very best thing’

When you reply that you’ve been double-glazed
This seems to leave them completely unfazed
What is the state of your cavity walls
Or careworn rooms and unpainted halls?

So although their messages are often unwelcome
And surely they close a sale only seldom
Nonetheless they’re determined to  persevere
For rewards that bring so little cheer

Perhaps we should give these agents a thought
For in the end it’s simply a job
And although we would rather they left us alone
Do them a favour, at least pick up the phone!

Ken Fisher

 

See also: Thank You for Waiting – Your Call is Important to Us

 

USB

USB

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Where would we be without this gizmo so cute?
Vital for all with a need to compute
So many devices it helps to connect
The flow of our data by its use we direct

Over the years these gadgets evolved
Internal architectural problems resolved
Using both parallel and serial connections
The messages moved in every direction

The transfer of data between computer components
Is the task of the ‘bus’ from moment to moment
Thus hardware and software it seeks to unite
And moves all the data at the speed of light

Apart from aiding so much data traffic
USB’s have features that seem almost magic
As storage devices they can hold a huge stash
In the memory systems which they now call ‘flash’

So endless word documents and complex spreadsheets
Dictionaries and maps showing all the known streets
And our photos and music they can thus secrete
All safely stored and labeled so neat

If you wish to display your work on PowerPoint
Your presentation you can proudly anoint
With considerable glamour all packed in a stick
The audience dazzled by your display so slick

So let’s give a cheer for this great innovation
Portable media released to the nation
Within the tiny shell of the USB case
So much raw power that we can embrace

Ken Fisher

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Power Cut

Power Cut

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Today, for a brief interval, we experienced an unusual event
There was a power cut – or outage as they call it in the US
I say unusual because it seems to happen very rarely
And I thought it must simply have been a bulb
That had burned out and blown our fuses
But no, the fuses all seemed undisturbed

And so it dawned on us that our vital energy supply
Had suddenly been removed. The spark extinguished
And all at once a number of unfamiliar beeps pulsated
From devices unused to service interruption
Little red lights flashed, and LCD displays closed their eyes
Even the Smart Meter discovered it was not quite smart enough

And then one starts to wonder if other aspects of our virtual life
Have been threatened by the removal of the magic flow of electrons
What if our planned recordings on the Tivo box are sabotaged?
What about those anxiously awaited emails. The calendar
perhaps set into disarray. The reminder messages forgotten?
More important – what about tonight’s cryogenic chicken in the freezer!

Of course all of this is simply emblematic of our dependency
Without the power we have rendered ourselves powerless
No communications, no heat and light, no monitoring or control
Much of our supply of news and entertainment gone AWAL
And unless you have your home generator, how will you manage
From your nonexistent stash of batteries and candles?

Still, in days of yore humankind survived somehow
Perhaps we have all become too reliant
We cannot believe that the rupture of these vital lines
The exhaustion of non-renewable resources
Or just a simple technical glitch can thus render us hopeless
Thank goodness the power returned in ten minutes
Perhaps it was all just a brief nightmare!

Ken Fisher

Fake News

Fake News

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Fake News seems to be the latest threat
A thing truth-lovers much regret
What once purports to be good news
May credibility abuse

And bad news may be hidden in disguise
And simply be a bunch of lies
So how fact from fiction we discern
Is now-a-days of great concern

When what we’re told can’t be believed
And all the time we’re being deceived
What’s the point of news that’s fake
The clear view ahead becomes opaque

So let’s resolve truth to restore
And fake news duly to deplore
And in our press and on our lips
Honest words and faithful scripts

Ken Fisher

Signature

Signature

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Watching ‘The Donald’ make his mark on documents official
Adding his signature to edicts advisory or judicial
Reminds me of the importance of when I sign on the line
I confirm that what is written is then truly mine

Perhaps within our land the signature most notable
Is that of Elizabeth our sovereign so admirable
Thus Acts of Parliament duly come into force
When Her Majesty assents and does them formally endorse

But the word signature has other applications
And is used in many differing situations
Thus TV and Radio shows are sure to emphasise
Their arrival with a tune that we all recognize

And if to watch the Bake Off was your fondest wish
Observing competitors concoct their signature dish
And of course if we wish to use a cheque to pay a bill
We sign our name confirming payment’s our own will

And the legal world still needs us to sign our name
On contracts and wills or an insurance claim
And if it’s your intention your promises to pledge
In marriage or mortgage, signing you simply cannot hedge!

Now that handwriting seems just about extinct
How do we prove we are unique and distinct?
Perhaps only by signing our personal name
Our identity to the world we still seek to make plain

On reflection it seems some hand-writing is so poor
And especially the signature which looks totally obscure
To me it’s not surprising the smart card’s usurped the pen
And perhaps those cryptic scribbles won’t e’er be seen again

Ken Fisher

 

The Swiss Army Knife

The Swiss Army Knife

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[Verses in praise of this multi-purpose tool]

 

The Swiss Army Knife is quite cutting edge
No limit to the uses to which it can stretch
Such a wide variety of functional tools
It might be described a cask full of jewels

The makers have offered several sizes
Tiny versions to huge ones brim full of surprises
There are blades just for cutting a string or a thread
And others could produce the proverbial sliced bread

There are hooks for extracting stones from a shoe
Sawblades for slicing through wood or bamboo
Pliers for those who aspire to try dentistry
And scissors for some who would prefer surgery

Gadgets for opening bottles so tight
Driving in screws made an effort so light
Indeed no matter the task, or whatever the trade
The Swiss Army Knife has a suitable blade

One point to note, which can be a snag
At airport check-ins hide it inside your bag
As the authorities might feel you have evil intent
To carrying a knife they give no assent

However, despite any such petty restrictions
Don’t spurn this tool and its applications
Because you never know what pops up in this life
And you are better prepared with a Swiss Army Knife!

Ken Fisher

[This poem is published with the prior permission of
Victorinox, manufacturers of the Swiss Army Knife]

Scotland’s National Museum

Scotland’s National Museum
[Thoughts prompted by a recent visit]

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Perhaps it is the ancient rivalry between Scotland’s two major cities
Or just some kind of inertia which has kept Glaswegians from visiting
The National Museum of Scotland – situated in the capital
But having discovered it recently, I assure you this is a treasure
Without equal – including the Kelvingrove compendium

In Edinburgh you will find the story of life from pre-historic times
Trace the evolution of creatures through to development of human societies
The origins of culture and art, the inventiveness of homo sapiens
In science, technology, engineering, communication, and space exploration
Man’s fight against disease, and his conquests against his fellow men

The whole realm of natural history is on display from primitive life
To Dolly the sheep and the latest revelations in genetics
And in the human sphere the history of fashion is traced in its glory and triviality
Then on a higher plane the world of ideas, of philosophy, religion and literature
Indeed this museum seeks to encapsulate the story of our world and beyond

But perhaps one of the most interesting things to consider is
The enormous contribution that native Scots (and others educated here)
Have made to the advancement of culture, health, physical science, human endeavour,
And the limitless quest for understanding. Thus we remember the names Stevenson,
Scott, Watt, Smith, Simpson, Livingston, Hume, Burns, Carlyle and so many others
Who sought to shed light and truth in each successive age

Ken Fisher

 

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The Robot

The Robot

(Now republished)

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Is this the future of the human race?
Biscuit tin head with smiley face
Metal frame with cogs and levers
Up-shot of design endeavours

But let’s not jump to quick conclusions
This is not just some mad delusion
The pundits who predict ahead
Claim robot life will be widespread

They say that it makes common sense
With routine tasks we should dispense
And make the robots do our share
Even if that is unfair

But if we let them do too much
And they grasp all in metal clutch
Our own jobs might disappear
And for our living we will fear

The best way for our own survival
Creative thought will bring revival
Humans should do what they do best
And leave the robots to the rest

But are we sure what best we do?
Despite all the knowledge we accrue
We fail to show that human touch
Which yet might change this world so much

Ken Fisher

[The Boston Publishing Group predicts that by 2025
up to a quarter of current jobs won’t be performed
by humans any more. Also on 29 Dec 2016 a major Policy
Analysis group predicted that in the UK, within a few decades,
 we may lose up to 15 million jobs due to developments
in artificial intelligence and robotics]