The Swiss Army Knife

The Swiss Army Knife

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[Verses in praise of this multi-purpose tool]

 

The Swiss Army Knife is quite cutting edge
No limit to the uses to which it can stretch
Such a wide variety of functional tools
It might be described a cask full of jewels

The makers have offered several sizes
Tiny versions to huge ones brim full of surprises
There are blades just for cutting a string or a thread
And others could produce the proverbial sliced bread

There are hooks for extracting stones from a shoe
Sawblades for slicing through wood or bamboo
Pliers for those who aspire to try dentistry
And scissors for some who would prefer surgery

Gadgets for opening bottles so tight
Driving in screws made an effort so light
Indeed no matter the task, or whatever the trade
The Swiss Army Knife has a suitable blade

One point to note, which can be a snag
At airport check-ins hide it inside your bag
As the authorities might feel you have evil intent
To carrying a knife they give no assent

However, despite any such petty restrictions
Don’t spurn this tool and its applications
Because you never know what pops up in this life
And you are better prepared with a Swiss Army Knife!

Ken Fisher

[This poem is published with the prior permission of
Victorinox, manufacturers of the Swiss Army Knife]

Moon

Moon

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Moon
mysterious sphere
whose face remains inscrutable
your phases measuring each month
whose light a pale reflection of the sun
shines on us like a slowly turning beacon
on frosty nights your face is bright and clear
but cloud and rain obscure your steady glow
your gnarled face mottled like an ageing man
craters and dry seas form your rugged features
no wonder, your age near that of ancient parent
child formed by debris of your mother earth
but distance has not dimmed your power
to influence our life here on the earth
the tides from time immemorial
by gravity’s mighty force
mover of oceans
Moon

 

The Earth of Which we Tread

The Earth on Which we Tread

(Written in 2010)

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Having spent quite some years on the study of space
    under the guidance of all-knowing D A C E,*
I decided this year to reduce my ambition
    the close study of Earth is my new mission

Planet three, out of nine*, strung out from the Sun
    geologists make sure that it’s their number One,
Tucked neatly away between Venus and Mars,           
    for them Earth’s as great as all the bright stars

Geologists aver in their theories heretical,
    that “built in seven days” is really quite fanciful
Four point six billion years – perhaps even longer,     
    they claim that was needed to bring chaos to order.

The history of time is a remarkable thing,
    stretching right back like in a limitless string
Earth formed its core, its mantle, then crust,
    that’s the top layer in which we must trust

The picture we have of our planet today           
    resulted as forces had their sway
Volcanoes, earthquakes, even plate tectonics
    produced effects which became rather chronic

Rocks seem to move in a kind of a cycle,
    pushed up to the top like the cream on a trifle
Then they crumble and fall, get all twisted and bent,
    and sink down below to form deep sediment


  Igneous rocks are derived from the lava

  Metamorphics, from some squeezing palaver
Sedimentary rocks, on the other hand,
    at least give us chalk, mudstone, and sand

Geological time has titles heroic,
    Precambrian, Palaeozoic, Mesozoic, and Cainozoic
Mastery of these can not be avoided,
    and furthermore, each is then sub-divided

Palaeozoic divides at least into six,
    Each time-scale gets learners into a fix
Permian and Silurian present no clear goal,    
    at least Carboniferous gave us King Coal

Mesozoic and Cainozoic span many millions of years,
    for inquiring students they present little fears
Dinosaurs popped up (and down) within the Jurassic,
perhaps had their debut in ancient Triassic

Geologists claim that the continents drift,
    one of their statements leaves us quite miffed
Our weather will never be better later,
    now that Ayr no longer strides the equator

Fossil records help throw light on our dark,
    some of these beauties are in Victoria Park!
Many solid rocks were once quite organic,     
    they’ve been long dead – so no need to panic!

The earth below has many treasures,
    discovering these holds untold pleasures
Coal, oil, and gas yield mighty power,
    from ages past a generous dower

Minerals are found in every hue,
    Emerald green to Sapphire blue
Diamonds command a heavy spend,    
    but are they still “a girl’s best friend”?

Gemstones’ names are shrouded in mystery,  
    much of it in long past history,
Chemistry too, sheds some light,
    thus yielding quarts, gypsum and calcite

After rocks were formed, then vegetation,
    creatures had some habitation
Through these primeval early traumas,
    evolved the lower palaeozoic faunas

Then given time – in endless ages,
    primitive creatures joined history’s pages
Mammals very late in all this plan,
    not two million years – the story of man

Our late appearance is a fact,
    but humans make a huge impact
In search for food and habitation
    Mother Earth has felt our exploitation

We need to live, we need to strive,
    any less and we would not be alive
Geologists’ concern for conservation
    shows it’s vital to our preservation

So when on heath and earth we bound
    Spare just a thought about the ground
On which we tread and take our leisure
    Beneath our feet, world without measure

Ken Fisher

 

* DACE = Dept of Adult & Continuing Education, Glasgow University

  • Now only 8 Planets since Pluto was demoted!                                    

Scotland’s National Museum

Scotland’s National Museum
[Thoughts prompted by a recent visit]

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Perhaps it is the ancient rivalry between Scotland’s two major cities
Or just some kind of inertia which has kept Glaswegians from visiting
The National Museum of Scotland – situated in the capital
But having discovered it recently, I assure you this is a treasure
Without equal – including the Kelvingrove compendium

In Edinburgh you will find the story of life from pre-historic times
Trace the evolution of creatures through to development of human societies
The origins of culture and art, the inventiveness of homo sapiens
In science, technology, engineering, communication, and space exploration
Man’s fight against disease, and his conquests against his fellow men

The whole realm of natural history is on display from primitive life
To Dolly the sheep and the latest revelations in genetics
And in the human sphere the history of fashion is traced in its glory and triviality
Then on a higher plane the world of ideas, of philosophy, religion and literature
Indeed this museum seeks to encapsulate the story of our world and beyond

But perhaps one of the most interesting things to consider is
The enormous contribution that native Scots (and others educated here)
Have made to the advancement of culture, health, physical science, human endeavour,
And the limitless quest for understanding. Thus we remember the names Stevenson,
Scott, Watt, Smith, Simpson, Livingston, Hume, Burns, Carlyle and so many others
Who sought to shed light and truth in each successive age

Ken Fisher

 

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An Extra Second

An Extra Second

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I wonder if you realise that this year will be extended
By adding an extra second it will be protracted
So ensure you make good use of this bonus time
To enjoy an extra moment doubtless is no crime

To guarantee our clocks remain forever accurate
Scientists tell us it is now vital to create
A ‘leap second‘ and add it to the year
Which on Hogmanay will surely bring much cheer

Thus by this adjustment our clocks will keep in line
With what the experts describe as solar time
Coinciding with the earth’s slowing rotation
The planet and the clocks echoing gyration

Ken Fisher

The Robot

The Robot

(Now republished)

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Is this the future of the human race?
Biscuit tin head with smiley face
Metal frame with cogs and levers
Up-shot of design endeavours

But let’s not jump to quick conclusions
This is not just some mad delusion
The pundits who predict ahead
Claim robot life will be widespread

They say that it makes common sense
With routine tasks we should dispense
And make the robots do our share
Even if that is unfair

But if we let them do too much
And they grasp all in metal clutch
Our own jobs might disappear
And for our living we will fear

The best way for our own survival
Creative thought will bring revival
Humans should do what they do best
And leave the robots to the rest

But are we sure what best we do?
Despite all the knowledge we accrue
We fail to show that human touch
Which yet might change this world so much

Ken Fisher

[The Boston Publishing Group predicts that by 2025
up to a quarter of current jobs won’t be performed
by humans any more. Also on 29 Dec 2016 a major Policy
Analysis group predicted that in the UK, within a few decades,
we may lose up to 15 million jobs due to developments
in artificial intelligence and robotics]

Utilities

UTILITIES

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What are Utilties? You may well ask
Surely their name suggests they must be something useful
And indeed they are
We miss them dearly if they fail us

Utilities affect each of our lives as they are the means
By which we receive electricity and gas
And the vital services of water and sewerage
Imagine a world with no taps or flushes!

In economics, utility is a measure of preference
Between different sets of goods or services
Utility represents the degree of satisfaction
Experienced by the consumer in choosing that good

A public utility is an organisation that maintains
The infrastructure for a public service
But nowadays many of these public services are
Sold to us by huge private sector enterprises

Control of utilities is a matter of public concern
And throughout the world various Regulators
Try to control these mighty behemoths
That provide us warmth, and power to our computers

And of course, utilities can have a huge influence
On environmental issues, pollution and global warming
So utilities are not simply useful things
They are the framework supporting (and sometimes threatening) our modern life

So next time you flick a switch, or turn a knob, or access the web,
Or step into the shower, or snuggle up to the electric blanket
And instantly the service springs into life
Give thanks for the utilities and pray they never let you down!

Ken Fisher

Bookkeeping

Bookkeeping

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You may not know that the useful art of keeping the books
Is more important that it might at first look
For business records play a most vital part
In ensuring the company can still remain smart

The origin of bookkeeping is lost in antiquity
But down the centuries it provided security
The Babylonians’ records were written on slabs
Much later the Italians, on papyrus kept tabs

Early systems of bookkeeping could let things go astray
But perfection was reached with double-entry
For every debit entry there must be a credit
A method that proved to have endless merit

Thus evolved the set of ‘books’ containing the facts
The Day Books and Journals which were used to keep track
Of items that then to the Ledger were posted
An important manual in which all data was hosted

From the books we derived all the Account Balances
Quite comprehensive, even showing the absences
Thus the Trial Balance revealed the state of the firm
Its accurate records we thus might confirm

From the Trial Balance we construct the Final Accounts
Trading, and Profit & Loss aggregate all the amounts
And thus the Balance Sheet will show how we’ve performed
And of success or failure we are clearly informed

For many years all this recording work was done by hand
But the march of progress bookkeeping could not withstand
And in due time the records were swallowed by clever machines
At first mechanical devices, then shiny computerised screens

But no matter what systems developed to keep business books
However sophisticated the new reports looked
The fundamentals have not really much changed
Although the presentation may have been rearranged

There is of course a hierarchy of bookkeeping staff
The humble clerk, whose job may seem quite naff
Probably now re-named as data entry clerk
Still a valuable element of bookkeeping work

But we must not confuse the efforts of lower grade staff
With Accountants who interpret the data with graphs
As they will claim their work is highly professional
Keeping their reputation has become somewhat obsessional

The Accountants’ relationship with the bookkeeping system
Is to apply all their knowledge and accumulated wisdom
To decipher the data and offer advice
All of which is provided at considerable price!

Accountants come in a variety of hues
Cost and Management specialists we should not confuse
With those Chartered Accountants who clearly would claim
They have reached the peak of the Accountancy game

This poem is a tribute to all those who keep books
That our financial property is still as real as it looks
And that entries in records held by millions of firms
Still the genuine facts for us truly confirm

Ken Fisher

 

 

I Thought It Was Only The Birds that Twitter

I Thought It Was Only the Birds that Twitter

 

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In days gone by the ‘dawn chorus’ would stir us from our sleep
But nowadays it’s not just the birds but other things that tweet
Our mobile phones and tablets too disturb our gentle reverie
Their attention-seeking messages, a modern kind of slavery

So relentless beeps emit from these devices electronic
And frantically hit the airwaves at speeds quite ultrasonic
Our message to our followers defying all resistance
No barrier to its progress, no matter what the distance

Social networking has re-defined the meaning of ‘society’
In the past, it was people, in all their wide variety
But Twitter has now garnered beneath its brooding wings
All that each myriad tweeter to this network brings

Our avian friends who filled the air with dulcet whistling sounds
Have been usurped by tweeters who now the world surround
Endless short messages replace those tunes melodious
Making the ‘mood music’ somewhat less harmonious

But I suppose there is no way of turning back from progress
From the World Wide Web there is no likely chance of regress
So enjoy our feathered friends and their morning serenade
And the electronic tweeters who daily us cascade

Ken Fisher

 

 

SCREENAGERS

Screenagers

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A new word has appeared to describe the fact
That every young person must always react
With their mobile screens of whatever design
They worship as idols housed in a shrine

The new word is ‘screenagers’ but applies to all ages
And devotion to screens seems to infect at all stages
From tiny tots playing CBeebies games downloaded
To schools kids and students where Mindcraft has exploded

But grown men use screens throughout their busy lives
Keeping in touch with their kids and their wives
Mobile devices help us to deal with the homework
Knowledge unlimited on tap on the network

So phones have evolved and are ever so smart
Kindles and tablets play a significant part
Lap-tops and desktops are still much alive
Without PS4, Xbox and Nintendo we’d never survive

We have all become ‘screenagers’ in this age of the screen
They are part of our life, as much as caffeine
It makes one wonder how we lived life before
Without the screens – was life such a bore?

Well here we now are on Facebook and Twitter
New ways to keep our minds active and brains even fitter
So let us hope all these hours using computing devices
Will be a great  boon that’s hiding no vices

Ken Fisher

 

For the Defence of the Realm

For the Defence of the Realm

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Viewed with much ambivalence
By politicians and public alike
These metal-crated behemoths
The subject of much controversy
Oft dividing governments and their citizens

Lofty sea admirals swift to defend
The lethal fire power and potency
Ensuring peace prevails long after
The Cold War threats evaporate
And new strategic challenges loom

The shipyard workers and technicians
Whose alchemy of science and craft
Ensured the growth of each vessel
From embryonic drawings to the catharsis
Of the launch midst pomp and ceremony

But few can be unimpressed when viewing
The construction and assembly
Of these mighty creations
Encapsulating the acme of
Technological ingenuity and invention

And so the building of warships
Melds together in one cauldron
The fruits of human capability
The skills of organisation
And the mastery of the material world

But in its ultimate potential application
This great endeavour never fails
To raise contentious issues
In the realms of politics, economics and philosophy
Can we ever afford to use or not to use its capabilities?

Ken Fisher
[Thoughts prompted during a visit to the Glasgow yard of BAE Systems]

And by the following fact: see this link

The 27th May 2016 is the 75th anniversary of the sinking of the German warship BISMARCK. This mighty battleship was scuttled following incapacitating battle damage on 27 May 1941 in the North Atlantic

 

Spanning the Forth

Spanning the Forth [Three Bridges]

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[Artist’s impression of three bridges]

In a world where we hear of so much division and strife
It is good to reflect on what our world might unite
And rather than vague abstract causes and notions
Here’s a suggestion quite devoid of emotion

When in the physical world we discern a real need
To bring people closer so that trade might succeed
Or that friendship can grow to their mutual gain
And such blessings may know a wider domain

Then the river or valley that those peoples divide
Creating a gulf that is ever so wide
Demands a response from some ingenious man
That in due time that great chasm be spanned

The earlier means to unite both sides of the Forth
Found the ferries no doubt of considerable worth
And for decades this method met most of their needs
Progress was steady but of limited speed

But when the age of the railway took the nation by storm
The growth of new industry demanded reform
Thus the great iron horses would have ground to a halt
For lack of a bridge that great gap to assault

And in similar vein in much later decades
Motor transport supported our myriad trades
And the trunk road network that commuters so love
Spanning the Forth from suspension above

So first we had the rail bridge stretching more than a mile
From 1890 renowned for its iconic style
In 1964 the road bridge opened its (then) tollgates
Doing sterling service only just maintaining the weight

And soon we look forward to the new Queensferry Crossing
The concept of bridges thus clearly endorsing
And so long as we seek to bring improvement to travel
These engineering triumphs will still make us marvel

Ken Fisher

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[Panoramic photograph of three bridges]