Author Archives: thebardofkelvindale.com

We Are Short of a Sucker

We Are Short of a Sucker

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For quite a while now we have felt lack of suction
‘Cause our old vacuum cleaner would no longer function
It would often blow out when it was meant to suck in
Which would suggest some deep conflict within

We stripped it down as best we could
And fiddled with bits that no lay person should
Screws were removed and dirt extricated
Just in case its internals were found constipated

But no matter how deeply its guts we did prod
It became ever clear that something was flawed
So today we agreed that despite all our stewardship
The machine’s only future was ‘off to the tip!’

So this afternoon we had to take an excursion
And purchased this lovely shiny new version
Initial trials of this modern domestic appliance
Confirm this is how one should apply science

Therefore let us hope all our dust problems are solved
As the Hoover Hurricane’s blades fastly revolve
And all dirt and grime will meet its due fate
This machine was designed to facilitate

Ken Fisher

Shrove Tuesday

Shrove Tuesday

 

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This is the day when we should confess all our sins

And thus duly shriven a new chapter begins

We must be open and honest in making confession

Pay our due penance and receive absolution

 

I fear that only those who are faithful and devout

Are willing and eager on their vices to speak out

After all, in our modern world, the sins of past days

Would hardly an eyebrow nowadays raise!

 

But that does not mean that a little reflection

Would make it clear we have not reached perfection

And taking the time to resolve to be better

Will not result in our pleasures being totally fettered

 

While on self-improvement we should contemplate

A little sweetener for all, we might advocate

And as Shrove Tuesday stands at the gate of Lent

We might find some feasting quite convenient

 

So let’s have a party with pancakes galore

Bring out all the goodies we have in our store

Put deadly sins behind – except perhaps gluttony

And cover those pancakes with sweet oceans of honey

 

 

Ken Fisher

 

 

STOP THE TREADMILL I WANT TO GET OFF!!

Stop the Treadmill I want to Get Off

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It has often been said, with a deal of regret

That life is a treadmill we must never forget

Great is the effort we expend every day

Hours of hard work and so little play

 

And yet we are told that’s how the world works

We must all do our share, no-one should shirk

On this collective effort the economy depends

Long working days and quite short weekends

 

Productivity must increase more every year

Falling short of the target is something to fear

More goods and services has become our new God

If a good standard of living we are to afford

 

This is all very well I hear you accede

But why must serving that treadmill become our new creed?

Surely our aim is not to live just to labour

But to enjoy all the pleasures a good life should savour

 

So let us remember to give the treadmill its place

But find enough time the ‘good life’ to embrace

And if this balance we then can achieve

Our lost contentment we might soon retrieve

Ken Fisher

While the Tempest Rages

While the Tempest Rages

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Travellers gaze upwards with anxious glances

While branches come crashing to the ground

Double glazed windows assaulted by the gales

A test of strength for the garden shed and glasshouse

Birds circling as in a whirlpool below a lowering sky

Pedestrians angled acutely forward against the blast

Umbrellas outside-in, their twisted spokes fractured

Mothers grip their toddlers ever tighter

Children fail to circumnavigate the puddles

The lollipop man battles with his wayward sign

Motorists give wide berth to high-sided lorries

The A signs outside shops cartwheel across the pavement

Nervous passengers suspended in the terminal

Perhaps happy not yet to be whirling aloft

Ships at sea scurry for safe havens

Novice cruise passengers fail to find sea legs

Office workers plea for an early release

Lest they be marooned twixt work and home

College students simply lie abed – why bother?

Weather forecasters issue ominous warnings

More strident as they move from the Yellow

Through the Amber to the Red – Take Action!

 

But what action can we take?

As the Americans say

Let’s hunker down!

Calm is sure to return

Sadly, not yet!

Ken Fisher

A Pearl of Great Price (30 Years of WECWC)

A PEARL OF GREAT PRICE

[30 Years of the West End Christian Walking Club]

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For many of us the Walking Club is something beyond price

Its value to us o’er 30 years an ‘earthly paradise’

Good company and exercise and time for conversation

As on the paths and o’er the hills we took each month’s gyration

 

 

From earliest ventures on old Tinto’s rising slopes

We gradually realized what is every nascent walker’s hope

To learn to value the great outdoors with all that it can offer

The many splendoured gifts our countryside did proffer

 

So gradually o’er thirty years of meandering in the hills

Through forest lands and open fields beside a shady rill

In summer’s sun and winters chill and every kind of weather

We never let the climate affect our monthly pleasure

 

All sorts of walkers have formed our happy band

Not just the Scots or English but souls from every land

O’er decades many strange tongues have joined in dialogue

It is a mystery to me how they understood our Scottish brogue!

 

So here we are after thirty years still happily united

The fellowship, still much alive, by time has not been blighted

If this were a marriage it would now be our Pearl Celebration

So boundless thanks to Glenda is our loud acclamation!

 

 

Ken Fisher

 

 

Keeping Up Appearances

Keeping Up Appearances

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Lots of energy exerted to keep that mask in place

Fearful that the world might glimpse no smile upon our face

Determined at all costs to keep up the appearance

Hold on to that rictus grin with dogged perseverance

 

Would it not be refreshing if just once in a while

We faced the world without that radiant inane smile?

Surely in our inner souls we often want to scream

So why no honest glower instead of radiant beam?

 

Whatever happens we must look always on the bright side

The optimistic outlook must ever be our guide

Come what may our behaviour quite heroic

Perhaps just now and then why not be a po-faced stoic!

 

Keeping up appearances no doubt has its own merit

But if our stance is false it does us little credit

And if the expression that we offer is simply a façade

The world will soon realise our dazzling smile’s a fraud!

Ken Fisher

 

The Anatomy of Poetry

The Anatomy of Poetry

[Free verse, Blank verse, and Rhyme]

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It has been said that my poetry might really be improved
If from the tyranny of rhyme it simply could be moved
Why must I always seek to find an ever ready rhyme
Unable to complete a verse that lacks a matching line?

Dispensing with demands that words be cloaked in rhyme
Would much reduce my efforts and doubtless save me time
Thought could float more freely, words less deliberate
Such freedom surely would my thinking liberate

So what is the choice if rhyme is lost and poetry is set free?
Apparently the principal alternatives amount to simply these
Free Verse is one – which truly lets us go where’er we choose
And Blank Verse is the other – still free but less loose

Free Verse is poetry which as such has no rhyme scheme
Thus it can shift as poetic thoughts drift as in a dream
In Blank Verse the words in every line display a steady beat
Though rhyme has gone the impression is still for us quite neat

Blank verse is commonly recognized by iambic pentameter
Ten syllables per line is best in this regulated meter
Free Verse knows no such rules or very tight constraints
Poetic metaphors are its best choice, its images to paint

So here we go – discard the rhymes and let’s make all things Free
Or even Blank, if that’s your choice, perhaps you will agree
That it takes a little time to get used to these modes of thought
I hope you feel there is some gain, or was it all for naught?

When poetry is free, thoughts can range both far
And wide, according to the whim, of writer
The reader then must be prepared
To cast aside all ideas of regular shape

Or form, and open up the mind
To concepts not previously considered
Thus finding a new stimulus from
An unfamiliar literary landscape

Blank verse presents its stanzas within an ordered frame
They need not rhyme but you might still discern its steady beat
It sounds as if the clock is marking every crafted line
And it all seems quite structured, a life that’s in control
Blank verse can be demanding, requiring tonal change
And freedom gained by loss of rhyme demands new artistry
Thus freed, the poet no longer needs to seek for obscure rhymes
Thus drama, raw emotion, philosophy, give colour to his palette

Ken Fisher

 

 

 

Keep Taking the Tablets!

Keep Taking the Tablets!

 

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The guidelines in the chemist’s pamphlet

Says you should ‘keep taking all the tablets’

The doctor in her diatribe

Said that’s what for you I have prescribed

 

So we must listen to what they say

And take the dose for each new day

And if we do, we are assured

That very soon we will be cured

 

Not only when we find we’re ill

We need to swallow a bitter pill

Life’s worldly trials sometimes enforce

A different kind of daily dose

 

But we must learn to persevere

With duties that may be quite austere

And try to shoulder all our cares

With smiles rather than with tears

 

And if with joy each day we face

Our problems we will soon replace

With blessings and not bitter pills

Thus coping with all our life’s ills

Ken Fisher

 

 

When the Internet Crashed

When the Internet Crashed

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Booted up in the usual way

Friendly icons reappear

Just like any other day

Through the menus we can steer

 

Keeping to the old routine

Nothing there seems out of place

All laid out neatly on the screen

Every task made commonplace

 

Ready now to check the mail

No doubt the inbox will be stacked

With problems that will our minds assail

And junk mail too, that must distract

 

So let’s waste no time just hit that symbol

Or whatever key will release the flow

Scan down that list, it is so simple

Then it hits us, that awful blow!

 

Don’t tell us that we can’t connect!

Surely we have paid the bill

That’s not something we neglect

Our voice rises rather shrill

 

Further checks we implement

It’s not just email that has crashed

Looks like a real predicament

All connections somehow trashed

 

Not one web site can we open

All our favourites unresponsive

Surely all this can’t be broken

Somehow they’ve been knocked unconscious

 

But let us pause for just a while

Could this be a blessing in disguise

Must this hiatus cramp our style?

To simply panic is unwise

 

This moratorium we can enjoy

In the shut-down let’s relax

Other tasks our minds employ

Ignore ‘Big Data’s’ mega facts

 

Read a book or take a walk

Why not give the car a clean?

Remember how you used to talk

Freed from those all-commanding screens

 

Just think back, not long ago

Before computers made us slaves

Perhaps the pace was rather slow

Not leading to an early grave!

 

So once you’ve taken some time out

And let your nerves calm down a bit

You check once more the screen blackout

And no doubt it will then be fit

 

A few more clicks and we will bet

Those vital beeps will bring us cheer

Herald the returning internet

Dispelling all our angst and fear

 

And perhaps with hindsight we will see

A temporary pause can be corrective

With some thought you might agree

Let’s keep computers in perspective

 

Ken Fisher

 

Theological Reflection?

Theological Reflection?

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What do we hope to find by looking in this clouded glass
Inspiration and light from beyond ourselves?
Or do we secretly own that what we sense and feel
Is really all that we can ever know

Do we think that we can catch the essence of belief
And through the microscope discern its substance
Or is this such a beast defying all taxonomy
No simple categorization, no box to tick

And yet theology has been a jewel in the crown
Of ancient seats of learning o’er the land
As in humble pulpits and cathedrals great
The faithful glimpse the treasures it enfolds

Theology brings our focus on to God and all things Godly
Thus we wrestle with the faith, salvation and the trinity
Stretching from creation to paradise or hell
Aided by the Church, its worship and its sacraments

But each and all of these not without great contention
The people drawn together in oppression
Only to be set at odds by schisms and division
Historic blood shed, nations cast asunder

And theological standpoints have prompted zealots to their mission
Demanded colours be nailed to the mast
From ancient crusade and modern wars claimed ‘just’
Sown seeds of revolt and of reformation

Yet theology has fuelled the rise of many a worthy cause
Of missionary fervour, thus lives reformed under its saving power
So in its glorious vanguard it gave the genesis that makes life rich
Without its prompting, souls lost, lives unregenerate

Under its sway theology embraces, or so it’s claimed
The arts, the sciences, and every sphere
Where humankind has placed its imprint
A cornucopia of all endeavour, of every earnest quest

While we sit cozily debating the finer points of doctrine
The history of commitment and dissent
Can we ever really do justice to this project
How can we on such splendour e’er reflect?

And so we seek to steer a course amidst the overwhelming tide
Of all that is the majesty of theology, the nature of our God,
the systematic study of religion and the impact of its doctrine
How in life’s experience we may find reflections of these truths made clear

Thus in the mirror where we seek His face
God’s transcendence through all time and space
The immanence of God found near at hand
Only revealed as we accept His grace

Ken Fisher

 

 

 

 

Sticking Plaster Solutions

Sticking Plaster Solutions

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When problems confront us in our daily life

Issues, concerns, can sometimes be rife

No matter how firm be our resolution

We sometimes resort to the easy solution

 

Some problems are simple and readily solved

The direction of travel quite quickly revolved

But many things in life are not easy to change

Unlike books on a shelf that we rearrange

 

Bad habits can sometimes become our stern master

Which we hide from ourselves by a ‘sticking plaster’

But such self-deception is simply a lie

Not quickly resolved the harder we try

 

It is better by far to get to the root

Of any issue before the pain gets acute

Not pretending its solved by a sticking plaster

Thus averting what might become a long-term disaster

 

Yet perhaps there are uses of Elastoplast

When by life’s little grazes we are harassed

But deeper wounds are not so easily healed

By leaving the blood till it has congealed

 

So this tale concerns more than First Aid

I hope your thoughts by it might be swayed

Being open and honest is the heart of the matter

Not hiding the truth beneath a cheap plaster

  

  Ken Fisher

 

SLEEP

SLEEP

 Some might say it is the reward to the righteous

I wonder if sinners are always wakeful?

We sometimes long to find escape in sleep

And yet we may fear in sleep we lose our vigilance

 

Sleep apparently is a naturally recurring state

It certainly would seem odd if we never slept

Sleep is the opposite of wakefulness

It brings us a blessed relief from reacting to stimuli

 

 Thinking about sleep can bring great concern

Insomnia is viewed as a serious issue

Although hypersomnia might be even more alarming

Especially shown in excessive day-time sleep

 

 But all of this is a bit clinical, too narrow a view

The word sleep has other connotations

Not least as when it is used as a euphemism

For random intimate relations – as in sleeping around

 

 And what about the modern trend of kids

Who regularly bed down at their friends’ homes?

In an endless round of sleep-overs

Probably quite harmless – I believe!

 

Then there is the advice we are given

To sleep on it often ignored by the impetuous

Perhaps we might be able to resolve issues

By a nocturnal perambulation – a sleepwalk

 

We also will recall that apart from

The slightly naughty thought raised by

the term, sleeping partner is a perfectly

legal type of business organisation

 

And to complete this little tour round

Some of the uses of the word sleep

I must now put my computer into

Sleep mode – it deserves some relief!

 

Big Yawn!

KEN FISHER